From the mouths of babes.

I forget most of the funny stuff Joshua says.
It's a shame really, because he says a lot of funny stuff. (And it suggests I'm getting old, if I can't remember it!)
But a couple of recent ones:


Bananas are quiet, aren't they daddy.


Ow, my leg hurts. The penny is in my leg now. (If that makes no sense, you haven't read the story of the lost coin) There are lots of pennies in there.


J: Daddy, where does God live.
Me: Well, because he's not really like us, He doesn't live in a particular place. He lives everywhere - it's called omnipresent. Having said that, in His grace he does choose to manifest his presence at certain times and in certain places, but that's not where he lives. Does that make sense.
J. Yes, it does. It does.
(Brief pause)
J. No it doesn't. Daddy, daddy, it doesn't make sense.

(I'd just like to reassure you at this point, I do teach him stuff sensibly too!)

Me: Can you do a thank you prayer tonight?
J: I can't think of anything to thank for today. I'll do one on Wednesday.
Me: Uh, it is Wednesday sweetheart.
J: I mean the other Wednesday.


I keep meaning to write them down when he says them, so I can then blog them, but I don't. So many missed opportunities...

The icing on the cake.

Yes, it looks a little girly.
It's an award. (No, I haven't awarded it to myself, despite the bakewell tart)
And it's from Trees. So thanks very much :) (That's a person, by the way, not a wood...)
It comes with rules though, to which I will adhere as much as possible...
1. Thank the person that gave it to you.
2. Post it with pride on your blog.
3. List 3 things you love about yourself.
4. Post a picture you love.
5. Tag 5 other people for the award.

1. I've just done that. Cheers!
2. Uh ... it's a bit pink, but that's probably good for the whole pride thing ... :)
3. They would have to be ... (random selection)
My sense of humour (I think I'm probably alone in this)
The time I get with Joshua (Is that about myself?!)
The fact that I've got so many fabulous friends, but most of all the fact that God is willing to befriend me!
4. Flip. Just one? I'll have to come back to that some other time...
5. Well ...
I only really follow three blogs ... or three bloggers, more accurately. So I can't really give away five awards. However, those I follow (and let's face it, I wouldn't bother if they weren't worth following!) are:
Trees
Sophie (I've opted for the 'travel blog', as it feeds my wanderlust cravings)
And somewhat randomly:
Nester
(I think one of the top two (who I do actually know - I'm not just stalking!) must follow her and I found it and thought it had some nice looking 'decorating-type' stuff. Now I'm the 'house' guy, I like to have a look at what other houses look like...)
So they can all have an award (despite the fact some have already had it...)
Also, one blog I found recently is
Kristian
Who writes so openly and poignantly and is the guy who did the birthday message for his wife that 'went viral' recently...
So there you have it.

The Village Show.

Well, it's that time of year again...

Last year's entries were thus:
Three roses in a vase - second place
Lemon curd (made by the girls) - second place
5 eating apples - second
3 cooking apples - second
3 pears - second
...3 herbs in a jar - second
5 sweet peas - third
Coconut and cherry cake - no prize
2 courgettes - no prize

So this year ... (Drum roll...)

5 potatoes (grown in the bin) second prize (new entry for us)
5 tomatoes (various models) no prize (it didn't *say* 'of one variety', but maybe they expected me to do that...)
truss of cherry tomatoes - second prize (new entry for us)
3 cooking apples - second prize (a non-mover)
5 eating apples - no prize (darn - dropped out of the top three this year)
3 pears - second prize (non-mover)
1 squash - third prize (another new entry)
and
wait for it
Bakewell Tart
FIRST PRIZE!
In fact, a Bakewell tart so wonderful that it scored 19/20 points, and the WI judge wanted to take it home with her! IN FACT - it was only just nudged out of the first place (and the prestigious Repton Village Show 'Best produce in Show' cup) by a raspberry jam that ended up with a score of 19.5/20. What an awesome result. Apparently, the raspberry jam judge and the bakewell tart judge had to sample each other's produce in order to settle the debate on which one was worthy of the cup. And all that without ever having referred to the WI handbook on how to perfect your entries for the show.
I have to say, I was pretty chuffed. I should point out that it was, in fact, a joint effort, with the pastry made by matron. The ironic thing is that it was *supposed* to be a task for the girls to do, but they ran out of energy after decorating their cupcakes, so I made the filling and stuff and cooked it. I have to say, I was quite pleased with the outcome, though obviously I couldn't taste it, as I didn't want to spoil it before the show. I did try to buy it back in the auction, but my £3.40 wasn't enough to bag it.
So, not quite as many entries this year, but really chuffed with a first prize. Particularly nice having old dears looking at your baking and saying, 'ooh, that looks lovely'.

We also had a lot of fun (and a lot of mess) decorating cupcakes with the younger girls last night. Our kitchen suffered horribly (as would anyone brave enough to eat the cakes!) but it was good fun to do, and amusing to see the look on the faces of the show organisers when I told them I had ten entries for the '3 decorated fairy cakes' entry in the junior section. They all were awarded 'highly commended'.

Spare any change?

How would you envisage the perfect start to term in a boarding house? I suppose it would be a feeling of preparedness beforehand, a smooth integration of new kids, good meetings with parents, plenty of excited returnees? Well, we did have most of that, but read on to discover what else we had on day one of term...

I'll set the scene first. It's just shy of 6.00pm. The three of us are in the main entrance of the house, greeting and chatting (well, Joshua's not so much greeting and chatting as just playing and climbing up the outside of the stairs). Suddenly, he comes to me making some odd noises and odder faces, and exclaims, "Daddy, I've eaten my money." My first response? "You silly boy". I should point out that he wasn't choking, struggling to breathe, looking like he was going to start vomiting or anything like that. "It hurts", he said, followed by, "how do we get it back?". We wait, I told him. Anyway, we headed off to have tea, which he was too tired to eat, and then I put him to bed. He was out like a light at 7.00. I figured I'd have a bit of an early night, having done some lesson preparation (yes, I'm teaching again...) and was about to turn in just after 10.00. I thought to myself that perhaps it would be friendly of me to check with the all-knowing internet what to do when your child swallows a coin. So I went on Google and typed in, "What do I do when my child swallows a coin?". Well, given that the first few sites were American, I was being repeatedly advised to 'consult your pediatrician'. "Really?", I thought. I mean, he seemed absolutely fine to me. So I rang NHS Direct. They were insistent that he should be taken at once to A&E. This was despite the fact that I pointed out that he could breathe, eat, drink, and was currently FAST ASLEEP. They remained adamant. So I 'phoned the local A&E. It's a huge hospital, and they have a separate children's A&E. I figured I'd outsmart them ... "Would it be best if I brought him in in the morning, so he could be x-rayed if necessary?". But they weren't so easily swayed. "No, we can x-ray him now if we need to - bring him in." (Am I sounding like a mean parent here? I was just aware that he seemed fine and was sleeping quite soundly.) So it was about 11.00 o'clock that I got him out of bed and put him in the car. He woke up, somewhat predictably and, equally predictably, was a little confused about what was going on. I explained we were going to the hospital because he'd swallowed a coin, and they might want to take a picture of his tummy to see where it was.
Well, we got to the hospital and were signed in. We hadn't even sat down in the waiting room when Joshua was called up. "Great", I thought, "this'll be a quick one." We went into exam room 4, and the nurse produced a metal detector (seriously!). We explained that we'd find the coin with it, so Joshua dutifully stood still while it was waved over his chest and tummy. After a while there was the distinctive 'bleep' of a metal detector having found a coin (I'm glad we weren't due through any airport security this week!). It was just below the breastbone, which she felt was probably the right place (the wrong place being the end of the wrong pipe - at least he'd swallowed it rather than breathed it in!).

And yes, she was a little surprised when I asked to take the photo.
Having established where it was, she said, "I'll write that down, and then the doctor will decide whether or not to x-ray ... there's a bit of a wait I'm afraid."
"A bit of a wait?" I thought. "Surely I'm not going to have to still be sitting here at midnight?!"
Anyway, to cut a long story short, at 1.00am, Joshua was getting increasingly persistent with his "Daddy, can we go home now", questions. A little while after 1.00, the doctor came to see us (we'd spent a bit of a time in a 'quiet room' we'd found, which had the lights off and the door closed. Much nicer than the chaos of an A&E waiting room). She did the metal detector again, and concluded that it had gone down the right pipe, and would be out again in due course. The first and only time the NHS has given me a money-back guarantee...
So we crawled into bed at 1.30, proud of the NHS, but not particularly impressed with Joshua's timing!
The next morning at breakfast, our resident matron looked over when we walked in and, with a beaming smile on her face, asked, "any change?"